


Wake Up and Remember Us

by Choul__Gat



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Alternate Universe, Amputation, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Guilt, Headcanon, Human Experimentation, Memory Loss, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26728825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Choul__Gat/pseuds/Choul__Gat
Summary: Chuck E Cheese would've been nice, even if Gordon had to argue the semantics of it's classification to get there. But that never happened.Instead when he wins, Gordon is left reeling when G-Man rips apart his reality with a cold hand and sharp voice.None of it was real, and everyone tried to warn him.But only now can he even understand it, because now he was being told to just go back to living his life, even when the scars of his Virtual Body remain and fester.-The Crew all thought it was just an easy job when they were offered to mess around in VR for a week and weren't expecting to suddenly become accomplices in the torture of their best friend.But they did and now they have to pick up the pieces of a man who can't even look any of them in the eyes without flinching.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 113





	1. Awaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stepped through the portal.
> 
> And all he felt was-
> 
> Pain.

Gordon was shaking like a leaf and he was half a second away to crying. Benrey was dead and defeated and now he was in what seemed to be an empty train cab with the man in the suit, G-Man, his brain supplied.  
  
"Well you have to understand, Dr. Freeman, that it was all fake. When you go through that portal, you'll regain your memories prior to this, and will be able to go back to your normal life." G-Man's voice was cool and clipped as if he wasn't wrecking Gordon's already strained mental stability.  
  
His reply was weak, "Wh- What? Just like that?" He leaned onto the cab wall, the glass window only showing deep blackness and streaks of light passing far too fast to truly see. "What do you mean previous memories? I have my memories! I- I have, my baby Joshua, he-"  
  
He was immediately cut off by G-Man's mind-numbingly detached voice. "Your _child_ Dr. Gordon. He's currently 6. We wiped the last 3 years from your memories. We couldn't risk you becoming cognizant of any, well, differences in your reality to ours. So you'll gain those memories back and go back to your everyday schedule."  
  
Gordon broke, _3 years? Why? Why would they do something like this?_ "Why the hell would you do this? WHY??? I thought I was going to die!" He starts crying. Big ugly sobs that wracked through his body, laughing as his go to defense mechanism even when tears dripped into his mouth and left him choking and coughing on his saliva. "I- I thought I was going to die, that I was going insane!" He gulped and tried to breathe over the painful giggles that still broke through.  
  
G-Man for his part actually looks uncomfortable but only for a passing moment. "Well yes, we had to test the constraints of the human mind, and you were simply the best fit for the job."  
  
"I was- I..." Another giggle, "It was just a job huh??" Hysterics crept back into his voice. "Just a job..." Gordon looks back at G-Man, hurt and anger in his eyes when he snarls at him. "DID I DO MY JOB GOOD ENOUGH???" Face twisted into hatred as it consumed him.  
  
He picks himself up, and shoulder checks the older man on his way to the portal, uncaring of any consequence. He turns around and looks at the VRscape for the last time before spitting onto the floor at G-Man's feet. "Fuck You." A low irritated hum pulling at the edge of his throat.  
  
He stepped through the portal.  
  
And all he felt was  
  
Pain.  
  


* * *

  
  
Benrey was the last one to get out of his Virtual Pod, he was tired, the whole Virtual Reality thing was painful to the highest degree. They all knew that Gordon was the focus of the experiment, but when he showed up with no memories and fully unaware the experiment even happening as it unraveled, well, it was gut wrenchingly _wrong_ but they couldn't do anything.  
  
They tried to all joke around and lighten the mood with how weird they could attempt to be. Mr. Coomer had come up with everyone picking a schtick to play out. To help make Gordon laugh, but it only seemed to stress Gordon out even more.  
  
And then him and Bubby had conspired to just mess around with Gordon, to grab Forzen, one of their coworkers in the simulation with them, and just play a silly prank on him to help. They weren't expecting Forzen to take out his frustration on Gordon. And Benrey felt stupid, he knew that the two didn't get along in real life, but he had figured that it wouldn't be a problem, because it was just a game.  
  
But no, Forzen had broke his end of the prank and fucking cut Gordon's hand off. At first Benrey wasn't too concerned, everyone here had died at least once except Gordon, and the pain receptors were turned off on principle. So when Gordon's cry of shock turned into genuine screams of pain, him and Bubby jerked back, only for their avatars to not move, _something went wrong_ _._ It was G-Man he knew, but he still felt responsible, like- like he had done it on purpose. He didn't. He didn't mean too. Why was Gordon's Pain Receptors left on? This was just supposed to be harmless fun.  
  
And then suddenly they were all teleported away. Gordon wasn't anywhere near. Coomer and Tommy grilled them, and Bubby had to tell them what they had tried to do, how they weren't able to stop it from happening, how Tommy and Coomer were also frozen, physically unable to do anything.  
  
They started to talk about telling Gordon the truth only to get teleported apart. G-Man personally told each of them to not do anything of the sort, and that if they dared even act differently towards Gordon, that he would personally make sure that they could feel pain just as much as Gordon could.  
  
Thankfully Tommy had been given more leeway, a soft spot due to being his eldest heir. He was able to help Gordon as he told them all later on when they all regrouped. _He was left in the fucking garbage. What the fuck._  
  
But here he was. In the real world finally. The rest of the team on the steps below the clear glass casings in which they were held. He looked to them, fear in his eyes that they would hate him.  
  
They ushered him in and the fear was released. Tommy was crying, and unexpectedly so was Bubby. Benrey was close, and all he did was shake, although on his far too thin frame the shaking felt more like he was being thrown around like a leaf in a storm. Coomer hugged him, his muscled arms grounding now that they were all real again. Benrey whistled out blue to grey. He was sorry.  
  
Suddenly there's a sound, a click and hiss and they all turn around as the Virtual Pod in the middle of the rest finally opens.  
  
Benrey spins, his fears back again, and only worse.  
  
 _Gordon._  
  
The only thing they could hear was his scream as he fell.


	2. Carry Him Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But now they knew that while the contract said they would turn off the Pain Receptors, there was nothing saying they couldn't just use Gordon's real human nerves to simulate the Reality around him.

Tommy rushes forward to grab Gordon's body as he tumbled out, _Why was he still in pain?_ He should've been disconnected from the Pain Receptors at least now, and even then nothing should've even triggered them.  
  
He holds Freeman close though. He was in pain, and even if it was emotional pain, he needed support. After all, what they went through was traumatizing even for Tommy, and he didn't go through even half of what Gordon went through.  
  
"..ommy- Tommy!" He looks up realizing he had spaced out. He looks at Dr. Coomer who was calling his name.  
  
"Tommy! We need to get Gordon to the Medbays now!" Looking down Tommy gags.

_Okay so, definitely not emotional pain right now._

Freeman's arm was chopped off entirely to his elbow, a neat cut, yes, but exposed and visibly _gone_. A cross section of his bones blared up at him covered in dried blood.  
  
He heard Benrey curse under his breath, shuffling forward, his normally monotone voice filled with anger and fear. He helps Tommy hold up Gordon's passed out body.  
  
Tommy decides to ignore the low murmers of death threats towards his adoptive father that the taller security guard probably didn't realize he was verbalizing.  
  
Tommy couldn't say that he disagreed with the sentiment either. He wipes some of his tears away, but it was futile.  
  
Not with what his father has done.  
  


* * *

  
Coomer and Bubby watch the three go, and Coomer knows that the second they are out of sight that Bubby will break down. He could already see it starting and he clasps a hand on his shoulder for the mean time. It seemed silly to discount Bubby's current crying as not a breakdown, because it _was_ , but with the new knowledge, with _Gordon_ , he knew that Bubby would only get worse.  
  
He knew why Bubby and Benrey did it, because they saw how stressed Gordon was getting, how he felt fear as if everything was real and dangerous, _because to him it was as real and dangerous as real life,_ and how him narrowly avoided dying so often was only making him more traumatized.  
  
They had all died and messed around and got injured while smiling and laughing to try and show Gordon that he didn't have to worry, but that only made him fear them. Regard them with wary eyes and cautious breaths. So Bubby and Benrey decided that the best course of action would be to just show him first hand that he wouldn't feel pain.  
  
They had gotten Forzen, a short tempered and secretive coworker of theirs to join, thinking it would work to break through his cold exterior as a sort of, bonding experience. They referred to it as a prank. Benrey and Bubby would lead the way, and Forzen would just mess around and punch Freeman a couple times to show that he couldn't feel anything, and they'd just go their way.  
  
But now they knew that while the contract said they would turn off the Pain Receptors, there was nothing saying they couldn't just use Gordon's real human nerves to simulate the Reality around him.  
  
Coomer wasn't a violent man in real life. Yes he knew how to box, and did it well. But he was never short tempered or anything like that. At least until now.  
  
Until he had to hold his best friend and husband, as he sobbed on and on about how it was all _his fault_.  
  
Until he had to watch his almost son-figure carried away passed out and bleeding from his stumped arm by a crying Tommy and glassy eyed and mumbling Benrey.  
  
Until he had a man to point his rage into. A man who had used them all to hurt an innocent. His rage that he had always held back and soothed. Small and unnoticeable until now.  
  
Until it's welled up to his throat. Choking his words.  
  
Until it's leaked out his eyes. Burning tears tracking down his face.  
  
Until he can only stay coherent enough to remember different ways a man could accidentally die in the ring. The different forms of violence that could so easily go wrong. The forms of violence made only to go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's still technically Wednesday! And just a forewarning, um, I will kill off G-Man in this fic a bit later on, so like, warning for that? And in general this is going to go a bit off the rails, so,,, have fun with that too! Just not yet, I plan for this to be a longer fic so a bit slow burn with plot points.

**Author's Note:**

> Vaguely inspired by Out of The Game by bloodykiss147 so credit where credit's due! Definitely check them out and give them a couple kudos and comments! <3
> 
> However this will act out entirely different, and focus a bit more on the group as a whole, and their thoughts on how Gordon was essentially Guinea Pigged against his will, and how they had all accidentally only hurt him more.
> 
> But of course, Gordon will definitely get his due, and there'll be a good bit on his PTSD, and how he feels.
> 
> Hope yall enjoy this mess! I'll try to update once a week on Wednesday!


End file.
